Kummerkastenantwort 3.890: How do I know if I am aroace?
Hello
I have a question regarting aroace
I am 16 and never had a crush so i am woundering How or ar what point do i know if i am on the aroace Spektrum or if the indeviduals around me and on the internet are just all not my type
I dont quite understand what romantik love is bc i dont think i ever felt it
I do platonicly love my bsf but she has a bf too but i cant comprehend that there is a separate Form of love/atracrion i mean i am awer that there must be but idk
I also dont rl understand the apeal of sex
I do know taht it feels good and gibes ppl plesure bc nature made it taht way to incurige reproduction but i dont understsnd the disier to undress infront of another beeing , if anything that thaught is more traumatising than ingating to me
I am also afraid that if platonic , a societly lesser Form of love is all i can feel that i ll end up allone in the future bc my freinds (i only platonicly love one of them) are not aroace and have crushes and or relationships starting at a verry young age , w subsequently prob means they obv gona move in and spend most of thier time w thier bf/gf leaving me pretty Isolated and w only acational social kontakt as a grown up (lonly rl isnt fun for me) but i allone wouldnt be enogh for them and leave them missing sth
And i do realise that if i were aroce i wouldnt be the only one but since that oriantation is just a verry small prozentage of the human Population the odds of me finding someone i aktually like a pretty slim and my odds of becoming a parent sadly too
I dont want to identify as aroace just to realise in a few months/years (at a later point in my life) that i have never actually been aroace and just havent meat the right person yet (ig my question is how/when do i know my Sexual oriantation what age is too young to draw conclusions )
And i am also scared taht if platonic love is my max and its not the ppl i like’s max that they will always choose thier romantik/Sexual Partner over me and my heart keeps breaking
Hello!
That very much sounds like you might be aroace. But on’t worry, being aroace isn’t something bad and it doesn’t mean that your life will be lacking in any way.
There is no too young (or too old) to know you’re aroace. And even if your orientation does change or you notice later that maybe you weren’t aroace at all, you can still change your labels.
Platonic love isn’t any lesser than romantic love. It is beautiful all on its own.
I am aroace too, and I have many friends who are in relationships. But that has never meant that they cared less about me. Even if people have romantic relationships, they still need friends and will want to spend time with them. If your friends don’t do that they’re simply bad friends.
There are actually many people who are on the a*spectrum. Even if it’s a small percentage of people there are just SO INCREDIBLY MANY PEOPLE out there. Many of my friends are also a*spec, and let me tell you, you can find folks everywhere if you know how to look. You can join online communities or irl groups near you. (If you are based somewhere in the German speaking world, we have a map for irl communities. Some are specifically for a*specs, but you’ll also find a*specs in general queer groups) You can also use dating apps to meet new friends. This has also worked quite well for me in the past.
On top of that, there are many ways to become a parent.
Don’t worry so much about missing anything in life. There are so many ways to be happy and have everything you want, even if what you want is different from what others want. It might be a bit harder to figure out what that is and how you can go about getting it but that doesn’t make it impossible. Being aroace does not mean being lonely.
I also recommend reading more perspectives of aroace people in books or online. You will find so many ways to look at relationships and understand how they work in society. I’m sure you’ll find new ways to look at yourself and your identity through that, as well.
I hope you find happiness
All the best,
Lily ^-^
